Hurt, Hugs and Healing
by EvensLight
Summary: Bucky is having a particularly bad evening, or more accurately, early morning, but before Steve can comfort his 'very old' friend, something happens... :O Contains some small spoilers for the movies. No slash.
1. Chapter 1

Bucky sat dejectedly on his bed, hands clasped in his lap, head hung low. Dark, unkempt hair fell around a face that had once been hardened and fierce, but was now simply sad. Bucky knew he ought to be getting to bed. Steve would not approve of him sitting up to this hour after a full day of work that was rigorous both physically and mentally. Tomorrow was also likely to be busy. Wait, it already _was_ tomorrow. He frowned at his innocent clock, who dutifully stated the time to be 12:37am.

Bucky closed his eyes, and allowed his mind to wander. Suddenly a memory appeared, fierce and mercilessly vivid. He gasped and his eyes flew open. Groaning, he closed them again, and rubbed his eyes and forehead with both hands, trying to completely clear the horrible scene from his troubled mind. However, the pleading cries of his victim still echoed. He moaned softly, switched the lamp on, and picked up his phone. He should have known better than to let his mind wander freely.

Smart phones were very useful in distracting one from unpleasant thoughts. Depending on where one went on one's phone, that is. Bucky browsed through his few pictures, stopping to grin half heartedly at a goofy selfie he had taken with Steve. How the annoying fellow had gotten him to make such a face he still couldn't quite figure out. He must have had a rare fit of extreme cheerfulness.

Bucky had soon looked through his few pictures, and since the nasty memories didn't seem to be too threatening, he decided to try to sleep. He switched off the lamp and lay down, pulling the soft covers up to his chin. He closed his eyes, and thought back to the time when Steve had rescued him and the remainder of the 107th from HYDRA. The journey back had been painful, but the relief and comradeship they all felt made it pleasant. Bucky smiled ruefully. He had actually sort of had it easy back then.

Suddenly a wave of sorrow and loneliness swept over him. He missed the friendship of his fellow soldiers. At least he had Steve. However, he knew that his buddy was probably enjoying some well earned rest, and he had no intention whatsoever of waking him, and he definitely was _not_ going to confess that deep down inside, he just wanted to cry on his shoulder.

Moaning softly, Bucky sat up, throwing the covers aside. He switched on the lamp, and sat with his head hung low again, thinking gloomy thoughts. Some of his nightmarish memories started trying to creep up again, but he only fought them off half heartedly. He knew that by being gloomy and thinking on his past he was allowing HYDRA to continue to affect his life, but at the moment, he didn't care. He was too tired and miserable.

Suddenly he heard a soft knock at his door. He looked up quickly. "Come in."

The door opened a little, and Steve stuck his head in. "I was getting a drink and noticed that your light was on." He looked keenly at Bucky. "You aren't feeling good, are you."

"It isn't too bad," Bucky mumbled.

"Mind if I come in?"

Bucky didn't reply, so Steve stepped slowly into the room, closing the door softly behind him. He walked over to one of the windows, pulled the curtain aside a little, and peered out.

"It's raining. You ought to open your window and enjoy it. The sound helped me fall asleep." He looked up at the rain coming down, lit up a little by the street lights, and sighed softly. "Smells really good too. Mind if I open a window, or would that bother you?"

"No. I didn't know it was raining." Bucky got up and opened the other window, then looked out at the quiet street below.

Steve watched him quietly. After a while Bucky sighed and sat down on the small couch right below the window. Steve came over and sat beside him.

"Is it the work, weather, or just memories?"

"All three, probably."

"It's tough when they all combine, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Suddenly the captain had an idea, and stood up. "Just a minute."

In much less than a minute, he was back, carrying something in one hand. "It's a speaker. A modern one. You don't have to plug it into your phone or the wall."

Bucky watched with interest as his friend went about finding a song from one of his play lists on YouTube, and turned on the speaker. Soon the calming strains of Evacuating London filled the room. Steve sighed contentedly, and flopped his head back. Immediately he let out a loud yell and leaped to his feet, clutching the back of his head. Bucky started violently and jumped up, glanced at his friend with grimly controlled fear in his eyes, then turned quickly to the window and flung the curtains aside. No one was there. That is, no one but an evil looking cactus with long spines.

 _ **Thanks for reading guys! Hope y'all enjoyed that! I'll try to upload the next chapter soon!**_

 _ **I have a blond haired blue eyed little brother that looks a little like pre serum Cap, and he happens to be a cactus magnet. He actually sat on one twice, poor guy. Anyway, that's where I got the cactus idea from. :)**_

 _ **~*~Reviews really make my day. ;) ~*~**_


	2. Chapter 2

Steve had recovered from his surprise by this time, and turned around to see what had caused his odd and sudden pain. Bucky silently held up the plant, but his face was what held Steve's attention, and any feelings of amusement the Captain may have had were nipped in the bud. Bucky looked pale and shaken. Steve realized that the years of work and training under HYDRA left Bucky's danger sensors finely tuned, and that there had been no doubt in the former assassin's mind that he and his friend were under attack.

Wordlessly, Steve took the cactus and set it in a safer place on the window sill, then turned back to Bucky. His friend looked back at him, and his eyes held a little of their old fearful, guarded look, but behind that weakening wall, Steve could see loneliness and a growing trust. The song still played on soothingly, as if trying to calm his friend. Steve reached out and put a hand on Bucky's right shoulder. He could feel the soldier's arm tense. "I'll be fine, Steve. Just give me a minute."

The captain withdrew his hand, and looked his friend in the eye. "I know Buck. But I won't. That cactus brought back some unpleasant memories. You know, I did nearly lose you twice."

Bucky looked down and nodded slightly. Steve's grin was sad and lopsided as he pulled his 'brother' into a firm hug. Bucky returned the hug, but Steve could feel that he was still a little uncomfortable, and it bothered him.

"If you don't watch out, I might start blubbering on your shoulder like I did back when we weren't 100."

Bucky laughed a little. "Yeah, I remember that. It scared me that you were sick enough to lose it like that. Usually you were too much of a fighter to cry."

"Probably would have been a little healthier if I had let it out sooner."

"Maybe so."

The song finished, and another started playing. Bucky listened to the sad tune, and relaxed a little. Steve felt it, and hope his plan would work. Then the words came.

As Bucky listened to them, he got a far away look in his eyes, and they started to moisten a little. However, he managed to fight back the tears. It wouldn't do at all to break down and cry on Steve's shoulder. Instead, he tried to relax, and enjoy the nearly forgotten sensation of being, at least for a little while, safe and cared for. However, the song wasn't finished messing with his emotions. The words fit his situation and described his feelings so perfectly. However, Bucky almost resented them. They seemed to be trying to break down the icy walls the former assassin had built up around the bruised and bleeding remains of his heart, and the soldier wasn't ready for that. Or so he thought.

Suddenly Bucky's eyes widened in surprise. Had he just felt Steve take in a shaky breath? He had thought Steve was joking when he said he would start crying on his shoulder. However, Bucky could feel his friend trembling a little. Tears welled in his own eyes, and this time he didn't try to fight them back. Why should he? Bucky sighed softly, gripped his friend harder, and buried his face in Steve's shoulder. The captain smelled good. A warm, comforting smell. Winter's icy walls started to melt into tears, and he relaxed into his best friend's protective brotherly embrace.

When the captain felt Bucky hug him harder and start trembling, tears of relief and joy mixed with those of more painful emotions. He returned Bucky's firm embrace with his own super soldier bear hug. A thought hit him, and he smiled to himself through his tears. Here was yet another good side to Bucky and himself being super soldiers. They could hug each other as hard as they liked without worrying about cracking ribs.

Outside, the rain fell down softly, washing the sleeping city, and inside, tears and brotherly love washed away the deep pain of two hurting hearts.

After a while, the song ended, and Bucky relaxed his grip, then let go. The captain looked at his friend, and smiled. "It helps, doesn't it?"

Bucky nodded. "Yeah." Then he looked mischievously up at Cap. "Except for your appearance," he teased.

Steve frowned, and gave Bucky a puzzled look. "I thought you were the one who needed to splash cold water on your eyes."

Bucky grinned, and Steve punched his shoulder. It was good to see his old pal so relaxed and happy. He sat down on the couch, after looking at the windowsill to make sure the cactus's pot hadn't grown legs and walked back over to the edge. Finding that it hadn't, he yawned and leaned his head back. Bucky grinned, and sat down beside him.

"You ought to go to bed."

Man. Steve had forgotten that Bucky had a bad side. "Can't I stay up just a little longer, mummy? Please?" Steve made a pitiful face, his blue eyes wide and pleading. The effect was spoiled a little by the fact that he was taller than Bucky, and was looking down at him. Steve couldn't keep his face straight, and he and Bucky both doubled over laughing.

After regaining a little composure, Bucky looked over at the clock. His eyes widened a little in mock surprise. "Definitely not. It's almost 1."

The super soldier gave a super yawn, stood up, and stretched. Bucky watched him, smirking. Steve noticed.

"What's funny?" His eyes narrowed.

Bucky chuckled, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back comfortably. "Nothing really. It's just that your yawn isn't as scrawny as it used to be."

The Captain's eyes narrowed further. "I'd say that's more than nothing. At least it sure feels like it." He picked up his phone and speaker, which were still playing faithfully, and started towards the door.

"Wish I could have been there when they injected you with the stuff."

"Thought you told me to go to bed." Steve stopped and turned around, grinning. "But yeah, me too. Though actually, you probably wouldn't have let me go through with the procedure."

"Probably not." Bucky smirked a little, and stood up. "Still wish I could have been there."

Steve came over, and this time Bucky's face wasn't guarded, but friendly. He smiled, his expression open, his eyes calm. Steve's heart was warmed.

"You're feeling better, aren't you."

"Yeah, so are you. You ought to cry on my shoulder more often. Might live to be a hundred," Bucky smirked again. He liked smirking. It made him feel good. And look good. Also, chances to smirk didn't come very often at all when one was brainwashed by HYDRA.

"You mean two hundred; and if it's that healthy, you ought to try it more often yourself," Steve retorted, pulling his friend into another hug. Suddenly he smiled mischievously. Talking about their past had brought back a memory. It was time for revenge. Steve began to pull away, then quickly caught the unprepared assassin's arms, and pinned them behind his back. Bucky began to fight and fume, but it was no use. Steve marched him over to his bed, dumped him in on his face, rolled him over, and tucked him in soundly, right up to his chin. Bucky scowled and thrashed, growling something about Steve being a super sized punk as his face hit the pillow.

Steve smirked down at him. "Nothing you will do about it, you poor little jerk. You love me too much."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." The newly reformed assassin's voice was menacing as he glared up at the smirking super soldier.

Steve seemed very undisturbed by this threatening behavior. However, he changed his tone. "Come on, Buck. It's my turn to take care of you when you don't want to be taken care of, and you know it." His face was completely sober.

Bucky simply glared until Steve got that annoying look on his face that he so often did before he couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. Annoying, because Bucky never could stay truly angry at him when he looked like that. He flung the covers aside and sprang catlike out of bed to tackle Steve, who was laughing too hard to sufficiently defend himself.

Bucky had thrown Steve to the floor and lifted his metal arm threateningly above his face before he realized that he had gotten himself into an unpleasantly familiar position. Steve was looking up at Bucky, his face bright with laughter, when he saw a familiar look cross his friend's face. He sobered immediately. Bucky quickly got to his feet, and stared at down Steve, breathing hard. His expression was pained. Steve stood up quickly.

"I came so close to kill-."

It was the Captain's turn to look hurt, and he stepped forward. "Buck -."

"No, I'm all right Steve. I really am this time," and to Steve's surprise and great joy, it was Bucky who pulled him into the hug.


End file.
